My long run on Christmas Eve marked my first committed to this idea - running a marathon on my Mom's 70th birthday.
And after that, every run was different.
I've always loved to run; it helps me clear my head, sharpen my thoughts. All of a sudden, though, I was running every run For My Mom. My poor, dented-up PTSD brain was so confused. It kept trying to divert the thoughts that drifted back to her - what kind of grandmother would she be? what would she have gotten the boys for Christmas? And the flood of memories came too, of the time right after her murder and the years beforehand.
It became clear that, as I build my stamina to run farther and faster, I will also need to build my stamina to think through - again - all that has happened to me. Failing to do that will leave me unprepared on race day, when every step is for her. My brain and my heart have to be strong enough to sustain that kind of ache - and strength - for (probably) more than four hours.
And so, we have Long Run Reflections.
Because as I run, training this brain of mine to feel it all again, to be in it all again, I am also thinking it through: What have I learned? What mattered and when?